The ‘Secret Footballer’ finally revealed: ‘It stopped being fun when Gary Speed died’

The Secret Footballer has been revealed, with a former Premier League star discussing his life behind the pseudonym, why he quit and whether he would do it all over again.

Many football fans of a certain age will likely already know his identity, but former Reading, Stoke City, Sheffield United and Portsmouth striker Dave Kitson has finally confirmed he is The Secret Footballer.

TSF’s stories would pull back the curtain on the “billion-dollar circus” that is elite football, with key themes including agents, dressing room politics and the industry’s cynicism.

A website, ‘Who Is The Secret Footballer’ was even set up dedicated to ‘outing’ him, with social media threads pulling together the clues from his five published books and Guardian columns, such was his popularity. While many former footballers now have their own podcasts and column inches, this was ground-breaking insight at the time.

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Kitson, now a leading motivational speaker, has finally decided to come clean and has provided details into why his career took the turn it did towards writing best-selling novels and intriguing articles, both before and after he hung up his boots.

“I am The Secret Footballer. I’ve never said that out loud before,” he revealed after 15 years of mystery. It was a pseudonym that caught plenty of attention at the time, when he spoke out about the frustrations in the industry in 2011.

“It was an idea that came to me when I wasn’t happy with where football was going and I needed an outlet to express it for my own mental health.

“I’ve been writing since I was a kid. It’s a passion. As I said, I wanted to be a travel writer. The writing was cathartic. It helped me process what was going on in football.

“Would I do it again knowing what I know now? Probably not. People come up and ask me about it all the time. It’s nice to unburden myself.”

Kitson revealed that while it was helpful, it did create plenty of anxiety within his work, and said: “It started as something that wasn’t about naming names. It was about explaining what happens in the industry and why.

“I would write and leave people to form their own opinions. It was fun for a while, then it bred huge anxiety. I had a career and a big contract. If I’d been outed, I would have been sacked and ostracised.

“Now everyone has a podcast and an outlet. Back then, it was genuinely new. It changed football in this country and led to overhauls at the highest levels, which I’m proud of. But the stress and anxiety were immense.”

Life as a Premier League footballer

“I never set out to be a footballer. It was one of those things that just happened,” Kitson told Champions Speakers, revealing that he didn’t go searching for the career, rather that it came to him.

“I wanted to be a travel writer. I wanted to get around the world and have someone pay me to do it. So, I fell into football.”

Kitson went on to make 81 appearances in the Premier League, scoring 15 goals in that time, but it didn’t start as a striker in a star-studded academy.

“The reason I fell into football was because I was playing for a non-league team and our striker broke his leg. I was put up front to take his place and I managed to score these goals.

“I remember having a real thought, even then at a young age, that it was a real opportunity to make a mark. Fortunately for me, I was able to take advantage of it. I became a professional footballer and found myself eventually playing in the Premier League.”

Gary Speed’s passing and mental health discussion

While The Secret Footballer started as a place to vent, there were some very real consequences to what was written. For Kitson, the worst moment related to a column about mental health, that he felt should’ve been written earlier.

The former striker admitted: “The worst thing that happened was when I wrote a column about mental health called Sometimes There’s Darkness Behind the Light.

“Nobody talked about mental health in football then. If you spoke about it, you were seen as weak. I said there was a mental health epidemic and I predicted it was only a matter of time before someone took their own life.

“I submitted it on Friday. It went out Saturday. On Sunday, Gary Speed was found dead. That’s when the Secret Footballer stopped being fun.

“It gave the column credibility in the worst possible way. I struggled with guilt for a long time that I hadn’t written it earlier. I became angry at the authorities for being passive.

“Things have improved since, but that tragedy was horrendous. Not long after, I stopped writing and disappeared.”

TSF’s written work over the years has captured the attention of football supporters across the country, therefore Kitson’s closing statement is one that many may feel shocked by.

“One piece of advice to my younger self: don’t write those books,” he finished.

“They were fun and helped me mentally, but people always want more of you. Whatever you give is never enough.

“You give pieces of your soul to people. You’re either the type who can survive that or you struggle. I know a lot who have struggled and wish they’d never done it.

“I’m glad I played football. It shaped me. Would I miss it if I hadn’t done it? Probably not.”

Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org