With wars raging in Ukraine and the Middle East and defence chiefs warning that Britain needs to get “war ready”, one terrifying question is looming over the nation: could the average Brit survive on army food were they to be conscripted?
To find out, I spent the week eating a collection of real British military rations, and discovered that life on the frontline apparently involves (spoiler alert) an alarming amount of beans. The first meal of my culinary conscription routine was labelled Punjabi chickpea curry. Despite looking boring and bland, I’ve always enjoyed Indian food, and so I was excited to try this concoction.
The PJC, as those on the front line no doubt call it, was actually very good, if not a bit over salted. Despite coming in a non-descript brown bag and looking like something that might have just left the back end of a dog, the curry was well seasoned and surprisingly moist.
It would have been even better if washed down with a nice pint of crisp lager, but I thought that would be unlikely in the event of World War III, so I opted for a glass of squash instead.
Up next was something called BBQ breakfast beans, which were less successful.
Sweet and sticky and with a distinct wet tissue texture, this weird combination has no place at either a BBQ or a breakfast, and I fear would leave you either felling lethargic or taking too many trips to the barrack loos.
Day 3 brought chicken stroganoff (with added rice), which was fine, and something called breakfast burrito filling, which was not.
The former had an impressive creaminess to it considering the dish can be kept in a cupboard for months at a time, and the chicken had at least a modicum of tenderness.
The beany burrito innards were less nice. Salty, beige, and flimsy on a spoon, they reminded me of the reasons my ex-girlfriend gave for leaving me, and with no guacamole or salsa accompanying them, looked just as sad as me when she did.
While some of the meals looked suspiciously like punishment, there’s actually serious science behind why soldiers eat this way.
Nutritionist and health coach Tommy Soames explained to me that military diets are designed to keep energy levels high during physically demanding days.
“A meal plan in the army should focus on slow-release energy and muscle recovery,” he said.
“Complex carbohydrates, the body’s preferred and most efficient source of energy, such as oats, brown rice and wholegrain bread help fuel long training days, while lean proteins such as chicken, fish, eggs and beans support strength and repair.”
That helps explain why seemingly everything in the ration packs was basically just beans done a different way, with a bit of protein sometimes wacked in too.
According to Soames, soldiers can need between 500 and 1,000 extra calories a day on top of normal intake depending on activity levels which suddenly makes the giant pouches of curry seem a lot more reasonable.
Hydration is also critical, so clearly my squash decision was not a bad one. Soames explained: “A typical water intake of three to four litres a day may rise to five to six litres, especially in hot environments.”
“Electrolyte and salt content in fluids is vital to ensure adequate hydration.” In situations where fresh food is scarce, Soames says long-life products become essential.
He said: “Tinned fish, beans and vegetables can provide valuable protein, fibre and vitamins with a long shelf life. Nuts, dried fruit and peanut butter are also practical, nutrient-dense choices which are easy to store.”
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